What Is A New Year’s Resolution?
Wikipedia.
This source told me that a New Year’s resolution was “a commitment that an individual makes to a project or a habit, often a lifestyle change that is generally interpreted as advantageous. The name comes from the fact that these commitments normally go into effect on New Year’s Day and remain until the set goal has been achieved…”
I was quite excited as I read these words; this was obviously an excellent method to self-perfection! With this power at humanity’s fingertips, we would be a utopia of realized ideals! I had to let others know what this revolutionary concept of “resolutions” truly held.
I ran to my friends, proclaiming the gospel of the New Year’s resolution, but my petulant appeals to their better senses fell on deaf ears. They laughed, calling my vision childish and naive. I shook my fist in their faces, vowing to rub the truth in their faces. Right then and there, I challenged them to a test of the validity of my belief and theirs (namely, that the “resolution” was an empty concept). Chuckling, they agreed. I smirked confidently, sure of my success.
On the spot, I came up with a resoution. I shot my fist into the air in early triumph, calling out in a loud voice, “I, ***** *******, vow as one of my New Year’s resolutions to be perfect in every way imaginable! And once my new nature of perfection has been acknowledged by these unbelievers, they might too use the power of the New Year’s resolution to achieve this enlightened state!”
My friends stared on in awe, their mouths agape at my audacity. I smiled again, even more triumphantly, spreading out my hands in open self-idolization. “See?” I said, allowing them to see the first fully perfect human being of this world. “I told you! I told you it would work! I am now perfect according to every standard conceivable!” I looked at my hands, only now fully grasping the revelation I had just instilled within myself. “It’s wonderful.” I conceded, finally lowering my arms. “I gotta say, this is just incredible. You would have no clue what I’m talking about, of course, but if you wish, you may do what I did, confessing that I was right.”
They stood watching, and waiting.
I laughed at their incredulous faces. They could hardly fathom the feeling of perfection, but I could revel in it every moment now. And all thanks to the New Year’s resolution! “I see you are all stunned.” I said. “But it is understandable. I am incapable of doing wrong in any way possible. I am always right! Always true! Always correct in everything I say and do! Flawless in every way imaginable!” I turned my hands towards heaven. “Now me and God are the only ones in the universe who are perfect!”
Silence followed.
One of my friends half-raised his hand. “I believe that would be ‘God and I.’” He said. The statement hung in the air for a full minute before I realized he was right.
I had erred…
Okay, so New Year’s resolutions are bunk. In dejection, I crawled back to my house, proverbial tail between my legs. I went back to my computer afterwards and read the rest of the Wikipedian paragraph concerning resolutions.
“… although many resolutions go unachieved and are often broken fairly shortly after they are set.”
I slapped my forehead in frustration. I could have saved myself a lot of humiliation if I’d just read that. Why didn’t they put that qualifier in bold or something? I was outraged. Nevertheless, there it was: undeniable proof that New Year’s resolutions were not, after all, infallible.
————————–
A New Year’s resolution is a promise of vanity that one makes to himself, aspiring to reach whatever said goal might happen to be. Needless to say, these hopeless hopes are of no substance, and last no more than a short while. They are empty promises of self-redemption. They lend us, now and then, those sentimental feelings of devotion and accomplishment, which are typically fated for a short life.
After all, it is not through our own efforts that we may come closer to truth or perfection.
